Tired of being in the dark (from the diary of Alvaro R.)

I many times denied this. But it came up everytime. It came up under trace. Impossible to detect but it was real and working.
I tried to deny, but everytime I met a piece of new evidence, that I wanted to deny and I denied in the end, it surfaced again a few days later from another region. 
We are squeezed. We are used, crushed, emptied and thrown away. That is the truth.
There was a guy. A strange guy who came from the UK, was Belgian and lived in Vilnius undercover I suppose. He lived in an area where I was told there was the centre of many secret services.
Honestly, I don' t remember how I met him. How we became friends. "Friends" is a big word. Maybe, I should say, acquaintances. We used to meet and talk in Vokiečių gatvė, at Sugamour. A bit pretentious bar, slightly kitsch, but if I rethink now of those days I can say that was a perfect place. It was the right bar at the right moment. The right atmosphere for the right situation.
We lived in a bogus situation, a bogus bar fitted us
Nothing happens by chance. All happens by following programs. The many possibilities of many programs which form the Big Program. We surf in it and we don't know. We all surf the whole life into it. We think we are real, but we are not. We think that what we see, feel and experience is true, but it is not. We are just told. Told is the right word. We are told and we believe it. We are told and we do what we are told. We obey what we are told. We acquiesce to what we are told.

I was listening to him that day at Sugamour. He talked like a little brat, with cunning little eyes twinkling at every word he spat out. As he talked about an unknown universe, only a few of us know, his mouth appeared like disarticulated because of the alcohol
There is a program in this world. He continued. A very old program. A Luciferian program. In this program ordinary people are slaves. THEY use us. THEY suck our light away and then THEY lock us in slavery. 
How did you get involved in the program? I asked.
Oh, it was many years ago. I was a youngster, roughly around 20.

That conversation, one the latest before he disappeared, I remember took place on a very hot day, on a day I remember I was lazily strolling around the city. I was coming from Vilniaus gatvė and when I reached Vokiečių gatvė I perceived him from far. I recognized him by his typical stride. He limped.
Hi. He said when he was close to me.
Hi. I returned.
I was expecting to see someone.
And?
Apparently, he didn't come...It's too hot today...We must find somewhere to sit. I need to talk to you. I feel I am in danger. You must know the truth before I may disappear.
Sugamour? I asked.
Yes. Why not? He replied.

We sat down at one of the tables outdoors, waiting for the waitress. He needed to talk. I noted it.  He was nervous, exasperated. 
There is always one moment in life when the door opens and lets the future in and you change program. That was the moment for me. I was already prepared for that. I had already started doing a little of money. dealing in currencies, black money, no taxes, you know...when one of my partners in Bristol came and visited me and said. Bertrand, you are running around the clock daily with all your business...come with us in the money trading, we have licences, we can make enormous deals and big money. We work through offshores. Nothing on your name...that would be a great career for you...I was speechless. It was an incredible opportunity for me. No doubt. Yes, I want, I said greedily. What I have to do? Nothing, in particular, he responded, there is only one condition to observe. An absolute condition. Which one? I asked. You have to put your conscience in the freezer at -100 degrees. He said. That's all? I replied almost laughing. No problem. I can kill my conscience if you ask me...And I killed my conscience, indeed, And step by step I became a servant of the Big Money...without conscience.

At this point, he seemed lost. He stopped. His eyes swivelled round. He finally fixed them on an invisible direction.

What did I say? He asked blankly. 

That you became a servant of the Big Money.

Oh, I remember. Yes...of course, it took me some years before reaching the higher levels but it was very exciting. We worked with Russia, you know, secret services, they printed American dollars better than the American dollars that were circulating from the Federal Reserve. Made in USSR. We got our assignment, Our commissions. Our main assignment was to dump this money in the market through big drug dealers, arms dealers, all kind of criminal activity...He stopped...You can't trust the water...He said watching the glass full of vodka and ice. He drank a lot. And it was hot. I couldn't believe that he could drink so much.

It's good to talk to you. He added.

Thanks. I said. Why?

You listen and don't interrupt me. I am lucky. If you meet at least one person in your life that listens to you, you are lucky. He took another gulp of his vodka and smiled almost foolishly.

Yes, I suppose so. I replied with little attention. Do you fear to be shot? I asked him.

Yes. That's why I change towns and countries many times. 

Where have you been before? 

Many Places. Madrid, Lisbon, Marseille, Rome, Minsk...,

So, Bertrand, it's not your real name?

No, of course.

I imagine I cannot ask you what's your real name?

Better not.

Ok. I see. And then what happened?

That was just a way to put around millions of money. That was the easiest way to get this huge amount of dollars in the market. Through illegal channels, I told you...and that in the end triggered an economic war. It was part of the game. URSS versus USA and USA versus URSS. But I was not conscient of that at that time. I was young...Anyway, after the first assignments, THEY realized that I was a bright and smart guy and started inviting me for higher assignments. This means that I began to work as an independent doing the dirty work for banks, central banks, multinationals, governments, terrorist organizations and all secret services and...be strong...the Church. Jesuits. 

We were seated outside the bar. On the floor, he had spilt some vodka and a narrow column of ants moved across the chairs to the little Vodka patch, they milled in it, moving on in a disorderly line, they seemed intoxicated.

I noticed that Bertrand had a scar on his jaw. I thought it witnessed a relic of a past he had escaped from.

That was not life. He said. I thought it was life but it wasn't.

I listened and said nothing.

And you know why THEY move all this money? I'll tell you. To start wars, to start all the misery in this world. Misery, it is not natural on this planet, it is created, they suck all the energy THEY can from people, from this world, and leave misery behind. THEY are the elite. 8.000 people more or less, that rule the world in the name of Lucifer. Can you believe this?

Lucifer?

Yes, Lucifer. THEY believe in Lucifer and enjoy to destroy all life on this planet. And I was like THEM: shallow, greedy, hollow, and I really enjoyed destroying all life on this planet. Nature for me meant nothing. It was something I had to destroy. We hated everything represented life. One of my assignments was destroying the economy of Italy, and I did it. And when there were people who were desperate because they had lost their companies, all they had, and killed themselves, we had a big laugh. We enjoyed it. We enjoyed their sufferance, their unlucky lot.

But I was so good in my job, I was so wicked, that THEY thought to bring me to the last stage. And you know what was it?

No, tell me.

The sacrifice of children. That was too much, for me. That hit me! hurt me! That changed my lot. I didn't accept the last stage. I couldn't. I started to malfunction. And my all career fell apart...THEY noticed this. THEY felt no sympathy at all with the weakness of the flesh.

I noted that his eyes had become beady. His face had changed colour. Almost grey,

I will never forget those days. He went on. You know, THEY took me out of the system for a while. Then THEY wanted everything back. All I had I owned THEM because I made it all through THEM. THEY kept reminding me of the contract, which I didn't have signed with blood, which would be the next step. If I had signed with blood I would be already dead.

If you really believed in Sacrifice, you don't mind about the pain of a little life, in return for what you can receive from THEM. The immense richness and power THEY can give you.

Then what happened? I urged him.

I did a step aside. I promised to not talk, to not mention names, persons, companies and so on...I am a gentleman. I am a man of word. It doesn't matter what sides you are on. The dark side or the light side. I left the business. For eight years I stayed out of the scenes. I used false identities and lived in different countries.

I was still very young—about 28—and at that age, you are not afraid of many things, you are still full of hormones. You feel you are strong. Almost you think you are immortal.

Then as he appeared he disappeared. But it was enough. His passing by confirmed once again that subtle redline someone said is coming from the Babylon times to nowadays and it throws us in a complete certainty we are cast in the existence of a dying, cooling world, of human beings who had evolved from animals for no purpose at all.

But I am researching more because the Nazism is never dead.

I stopped reading the diary. I was tired of darkness.