The ring many years later in the memories of a former Kincora boy

Thank you. Thank you for that. He said with his still suffering big boy eyes.

In 1975 the young army intelligence officer, who now was sitting in front of him old and fat like a pig was working undercover and trying to blow the whistle. 

They met both for the first time at the officer house in Belfast after 30 years that that happened.

You must be Robert. Said the officer when opened the door. I am Anthony, It's good to meet you, Robert. Come on in, let's talk.

I was reporting all the facts, but I was ordered to stop digging and forget all it about. My fault. Anthony. And that's the thing that still hits me. If I had really the thing pushed through in 75/76, you could be rescued. I am sorry, Anthony. I didn't have the force and the courage to do it.

That was when Anthony made a big effort to say: Thank you. Thank you for that. It was a big effort. He felt completely empty and deluded. But was able to be civil. He realized that that bloke in front of him was really sorry. 

Uh, I had been in a lot of pain for ages. It's atrocious suffering. I have survival guilt. It's a calling. I believe it's a calling and...I am not here to think of me, right. I get peace from that, you know. Concluded Robert.

I know, added Anthony.

They prayed to God together. They both believed in Almighty. 

After the pray the journalist who had brought back Robert from USA to Belfast asked Anthony: Do you think there is still efforts to try and cover up?

I do believe. Replied Anthony flatly smiling. 

For years Robert had known when he was a boy that he was paid for sex, and it was the only life he knew. A male prostitute. 

Was I a male prostitute? He answered the journalist who was asking. I would put this way. I didn't become what they made me to be. I had no awareness that I would be that, that I would be. They shaped me grimy. That's what my life was.

He had decided to speak out now because his two friends trafficked with him were no longer alive to tell their tales.

It's about the voices that didn't have a voice any more that I am.. It's my spirit that is driving me because we can't fail on this. We just can't fail on this. I still hope in Justice.