A Change, and underground fights (from "Memoires of a Martial Artist")

Two days after the lecture I went to the Tai Chi class of The
Master. His classes were then attracting a lot of girls. Lately, his classes had become a combination of spiritual and frivolous glamour. In the last months, he had been seen many times on the national Lithuanian TV in several talk shows. He had been interviewed by the most important Lithuanian magazines, which turned him into a fairly well-known personage in Lithuania.
The Master had changed. He was now very vulnerable to female beauty. He was defenceless against it.
He had lost his sense of calm trust in the fate of his mission, in the quiet submission to his stoic composure in the face of danger and in a certain disdain of worldly life.
He now appreciated the worldly life. He loved that kind of life, like never before.
I talked to The Master about his change.
His answer was quite curious.

- A man who has read a little, smells a little pedantic, a man who has read a lot smells even worse.

He realized my blank expression, for he added.

- An intellectual is like a machine. I now consider intellect less important than emotion. I now experiment with emotions. Ethical emotions. Intellectual emotions didn’t drive me where I wanted. I thought about my life…have you ever wondered why I do Thai Chi?
- No. Why?
- I used to combat before.
- You?
- Yes. Here in Vilnius, there is an underground fighting circuit, where anyone can fight. Illegal fights. Extreme fights. No Holds Barred Fighting.
- And you really did this?
- Yes.
- Why?
- I challenged myself. I wanted to overcome the fear I had.
- Fear? You? To fight?
- Yes, fear…that’s it. That’s it. It was what I needed to get over my panic. I needed adrenaline, the adrenaline that would pump in all my body, in every atom of my being. People come to see fighting for adrenaline. They bring you adrenaline. Music shakes the walls. People are intoxicated, yell, bay, get crazy, want to see blood. Jus wait for you stepping into the ring ready to draw blood from your opponent.
- Did you win?
- I won, I lost…but I learned to have a big heart. To combat you need a big heart. If you don’t have a big heart after 2-3 rounds…done. But if you fight with a big heart after the fight, when you live the ring. people surround you, touch you, yell out after you “You are great! You fight so crazy!”…too much, too much of everything. Too much violence. I had to change. I did develop an unbearable hankering for fighting, anywhere ... so I started practising Thai Chi. I had to harness all that energy, focus it on one point. Dominate it. And maybe I became too sophisticated, too whimsical, too freakish perhaps…

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