My world before and after the so-called Pandemic

 

Prior to the so-called pandemic, the world was different. I was different. 

One of my greatest moments of pleasure was visiting unknown cities, lost in the unknown, following an unknown flux of life surrounded by unknown streets and people. 

I felt invisible. No one knew me, and I knew no one. That gave me a strong sense of pleasure. The pleasure of doing things you usually avoid in places where everyday life, routine, and the fear of showing yourself in a way people are not accustomed to expecting from you.
I am not sure what I was looking for in doing this. I remember I felt pushed to search for the essence of that world, as I could physically taste that essence. I was looking for an aura of mystery which could rescue me from my nothingness (I called it nothingness, but now I should call it stupidity—because now I realize what an idiot I was).
I hoped for goodness from the world, I hoped for a magic of life, I hoped for an encounter which would be my Saviour, the Saviour of my inept life (I was an idiot, as I said above).
I was naive and shy, surely. And maybe these were my only best qualities.

The so-called pandemic was a watershed.
After the so-called pandemic, it was clear to me I had lived in a bubble of illusion. The bubble during the pandemic broke up, and I could see the truth, which was: in the world there is no goodness or magic. The world is ruled by evil, and everything you see is a crafted illusion, is what you’re shown to be taken as truth, appearance.
Before the pandemic, I had no idea what Sturgeon’s law was. After the pandemic, it was evident that Sturgeon’s law was even too optimistic.
Before the pandemic, I was a regular client of bookstores and spent a lot of money on books; after, I lost any interest in books because of Sturgeon’s law and because I was finally aware that everything published must follow the guidelines of being stupid and absolutely compliant with mainstream requirements.