The idea of being a hybrid

Non dà l'un porco a l'altro porco doglia,

l'un cervo a l'altro; solamente l'uomo

l'altro uom amazza, crocifigge e spoglia

(Machiavelli, L'Asino)

One day of my life not far from the year that changed the world throwing it in a complete folly I probably had a premonition.

A crazy idea surged ahead of my mind, to link Dostoevsky to David Icke. Was it possible? I wanted to connect the ruthless search for the inner madness of man to the madness of human existence lived inside a hetero-directed society lead by occult forces. Was it possible? as Camus says Dostoevsky 's characters do not fear the ridiculous[1] and cruelly question themselves and live in a madness that leads them to social ridicule. Didn't David Icke benefit of the social ridicule from a society directed by invisible powers because of his way of living and thinking?

I didn’ t know if The Anunnaki were Reptilians, as Icke maintained, or not. I knew that there was a gap, a fracture between two kinds of population. The elite, the few families who are running and bullying the world and the mass population. And a great hatred was continually pushed down, against the mass population, from above, by the families elite, because they have not compassion or a fundamental understanding of what it means to be human

I had no doubt about this

I realized that the world we lived in was like a spider's web. It was everywhere and it was invisible to the naked eye. And the spiders were high, very high, beyond the web and they were hidden. And we, the people, were trapped in the web, and only some of us were aware of this condition.

There was a strange story on the internet, about a film director called Jon Gress.

He had decided to shoot a film about the Anunnaki, a film based on Zecharia Sitchin’s books. But the TPTB likely didn’t like the dangerous characterization of Zecharia Sitchin’s books, and every video, every announcement was taken down from the internet. From 2010 to 2012, many references to the film began to disappear, including the website. Due to the mysterious shutting down of the website, Jon Gress was silent for a decade, and for this reason, many accused the movie of being a hoax. In a 2016 interview, Jon Gress explained that the subject was so controversial, with “over 2000 special effect sequences”, along with suffering numerous website hacks, it had caused delays in the project.
A few years later, the 2016 interview was again mysteriously taken down from YouTube.
Maybe his biggest mistake was to put in discussion the Darwinism? Because Social Darwinism, it has been in many ways reshaped in Neoliberalism, the ideology at the root of our globalized problems.
Or was it instead because he questioned the elites that rule the world? Were they scared of his will to unveil the truth and the reason why they rule and exploit the mass population?
Why is the Anunnaki subject so forbidden?
Was the David Icke theory right?
Were the Anunnaki those who be accountable for the procreation of the human race?

Death took possession of my mind, occupied it at every hour of the day. I found no answer to my malaise, which had no name. I felt more absurd living than dying, because life is constant uncertainty and dying an inescapable certainty.
I had everything I looked for all my life. I had love. I had a wife who loved me. But that unknown and nameless malaise did not leave me in peace. It didn't give me peace. What was it? A powerful pushing desire of committing suicide that had accompanied me all my life?

To divert that unbearable thought, I immersed myself in the work of my company. It was a creative work, which committed me in deadlines, forced me in working at a hectic pace and in searching for new solutions, new ways to try new avenues, it gave me the mirage of good earnings I really needed.
Creating is to live twice, said Camus. I needed to thicken my life. To make twice what was one.

I could agree with Camus when he stated that in the end creating is a refuge from the absurd; from the irrevocable certainty of death, I add.
The Camus idea of absurd revealed me a pathological entangled necessity to anticipate the end. All my life I had suffered from a pathologic impulse of anticipating every end, and every closure. And the reason was one: I was unable to find the right place in this world.
We depend on an alien essence. Inside us, there is an alien essence. We are a hybrid combination of essences.

In the clay vessel the admixture they made,
The oval of an Earth female with Anunnaki male essence they put together;
The fertilized egg into the womb of Ninmah by Enki was inserted; there was conception!
(The lost book of Enki)

In those words, I found confirmation to my madness, my folly, was not mine. It came from another race. An unknown race. The folly inside me didn’t belong to me.
Probably I was a hybrid.

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[1] Tous les héros de Dostoievski s’interrogent sur le sens de la vie. C’est en cela qu’ils sont modernes: ils ne craignent pas le ridicule (Le mythe de Sisyphe)

Alvaro’s secret life

It was a bright cold day in December, and the snow was swirling around Lukiškių aikštė. Alvaro R., snuggled up into his ample coat in an effort to escape the freezing wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Vero Café, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of iced snow from entering along with him, and left behind that glass partition the-already -3.30 pm-darkening-city-of-Vilnius.
Alvaro had a varicose ulcer above his right ankle, had gone all the way slowly, resting several times on the way. Now he had pain in his whole leg. He was nervous.
He looked around. She wasn’t there. He got a date with her but she wasn’t there. He was disappointed. That young girl was going to make him go crazy. He knew it.
On each place where he went, he saw her round and hard buttocks. It had become an obsession that made him so furious. His heart was beating fast, he sweated and was short of breath: under that agency, he felt her eyes follow him about wherever he moved
He looked back, looked at the entrance. The world outside was cold and frozen. She was not there. She wouldn‘t come. It was clear.
You broke my heart. He murmured, You merely broke my life. But it won’t be forever. You’ll be mine. I will die but you will be mine. Said watching towards that frozen world outside the big glass partition.
There seemed to be no colour in anything, except in his despair. He clearly perceived that he was bowing down but he knew that he did not bow down to that little girl, he bowed down to all the suffering of humanity. He had to find the courage and break that spell and do what he needed to be finally free by that spell. And for the same reason, he needed somewhere to turn. But how to turn and being able to cover himself, in a world where also a back could be revealing?
He tried to remember. He tried to recall some memories of that morning.
Are you always at home alone? Your sister or your mother is not with you in the morning? He had asked her.
Why, do you ask? She had replied.
Nothing, I just asked. I thought of you alone at home. He answered her as casually as he could.
After leaving her home he had realized he was completely in confusion.


He left the bar and walked back like a drunken man.
What am I doing? What am I doing? He was repeating to himself. How such horrible things come into my head?
Was that just a physical derangement or something more?
He had always felt the desire to be with people but lately, he had started to avoid company of every sort, except for the writer.
He felt thirst for his solitude and the lonely life of the writer attracted him. The lonely life of him with her was captivating. He seemed that her was the only reason the writer was living for. Wasn’t this a great motivation to live more desperately? Desperation appeared to Alvaro like another world where to rest. He was feeling something new in his life. He wanted to leave this life and forever. And rest.
- Oh, I wish a god would exist. I wish I could believe in a god? But how believe in God without evidence? -

He realized that so far, he had been very fortunate, too fortunate. Too happy for a while. And now he knew that he would be unhappy for the rest of his life.
He looked at the sky, it was a heavy grey over, it was chocking the sky. He had the feeling that it was about to fall upon his head.
It cannot be. He thought. The heavens won’t fall for such a trifle.