Misfit. I feel like a misfit to reality, to this new dimension, I am living now in. I ask myself why and feign not to understand, yet I know the answer. Yes, I know it but I pretend not to know. It is a harsh thing to say to myself, I know, but, regrettably, it is true and my ego must accept it. I must accept and understand that all my life I have been following the wrong indicator for the direction I need to go, and I am unable to get out of it. I go disguised (larvatus prodeo). I disguised myself all my life to follow the wrong impulse.
And for all my life I disguised myself to please the others. My family, my friends, my colleagues, my loves, my life...
And the pain was so excruciating that caused me suffering and illness.
And now, when I thought I was healed, it is happening again but under a form of possession. There are moments when I am not what I am. I am my mother or my father. I catch myself in a simple gesture that is not mine, it was the gesture that my mother or father used to do. I am brought to another dimension where I feel I am them and not me. I make coffee and I am my father making it. I caress my wife as my mother caressed people. I sit down sometimes as my mother used to sit down. I lose saliva from my mouth as my father lost, I sit in the bathroom and suffer as my father suffered...
Am I possessed by their spirits? Yes, I think so. They embody me for a while, they take possession of my body, my spirit and my soul to manifest that they are close to me and abide in me.
I can ask: Why? But again I know the answer.
Angelicis igitur operationibus fieri crediderim, sive permittatur desuper, sive iubeatur [1]
Well, I would be inclined to believe that this can happen due to an intervention of the Angels, permitted or desired from above.
[1] Saint Augustine DE CURA PRO MORTUIS GERENDA LIBER UNUS, 10,12
And for all my life I disguised myself to please the others. My family, my friends, my colleagues, my loves, my life...
And the pain was so excruciating that caused me suffering and illness.
And now, when I thought I was healed, it is happening again but under a form of possession. There are moments when I am not what I am. I am my mother or my father. I catch myself in a simple gesture that is not mine, it was the gesture that my mother or father used to do. I am brought to another dimension where I feel I am them and not me. I make coffee and I am my father making it. I caress my wife as my mother caressed people. I sit down sometimes as my mother used to sit down. I lose saliva from my mouth as my father lost, I sit in the bathroom and suffer as my father suffered...
Am I possessed by their spirits? Yes, I think so. They embody me for a while, they take possession of my body, my spirit and my soul to manifest that they are close to me and abide in me.
I can ask: Why? But again I know the answer.
Angelicis igitur operationibus fieri crediderim, sive permittatur desuper, sive iubeatur [1]
Well, I would be inclined to believe that this can happen due to an intervention of the Angels, permitted or desired from above.
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