The policeman

 

by Math Cassidy

I am a policeman.

I have sworn on the constitution to serve my people and my country
Am I doing this?
I was young when I swore. Now I am 45. I have a family now, I have a wonderful wife and two kids. I have a loan to pay. I bought a house many years ago and I am still paying for it. But I have a house for when I am old, where I can terminate my life. I have something to leave to my children, something to be remembered for.
I was young when I swore. I was an idealist, then. We lived among ideologies at that time, we lived restricted by a great many values like honour, courage. respect and even forlon words as God, Jesus, Mary, charity, love, compassion...and priests smelled like priests and the Pope was the vicarious of Christ upon this world.
And now, am I truly the same person?
How many cells in my body died from that day on?
What am I today?

No one ever told me that fear feels so like pain. Because I am afraid when they come towards us. And I am in pain because I feel it churning in my bones, in my bowels, and so I know that I betrayed, my people, my oath, my country.
And so I hit them to death, with ruthless fear and pleasure. The more I beat them hard the more I feel how fear is vanishing and pleasure overcomes me.
Am I crazy? Or am I just what a man is supposed to be? An eternal conflict between good and evil.
I feel bitter in my mouth and disgust. And my disgust accelerates when they come in peace and not as rebels, rioters or revolutionaries.
Why, are they so peaceful? Why they don't fight? Why they still speak the inert language of brotherhood peace and love. Why they don't use sticks clubs and stones against us.
Why, we all live in inertia and by inertia?

It's a war, a dirty war and we don't see it. We seem fallen forever in a better-do-nothing-at-all-conscious-inertia. We live in a sub-human underground and we don't see the Beast we are facing off. We still think we live in a democracy, we still believe in justice.

Fuck off! It's over! Don't you see it! Are you blind! Fight me, erase me! I am just in between.
Even Jesus said “if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one”

And it's just the beginning, bros.

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