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The door




- Why did you stop loving me?
- I don’t know ...so far we have avoided talking nonsense. Why now, then?

Sabatina tried to hug him.

- Please, stop it. Not now. I have to go. In 30 minutes I have the train.

Sabatina felt trapped.

- Where are you going today? - she asked him.
- To Rome, I have a meeting with Nenni.
- Will you be home at midnight?
- I don’t know. Maybe. To overnight in Rome is too expensive.

Sabatina felt a feeling of desperation grow inside. She could not speak. She never knew how to speak. She only knew how to be silent. And she was used to be silent in her life.

It was November, outside. It was raining and it was cold. How she hated those days. Silvano opened the door. The ice of the tramontana entered.

"Ciao" he said.

Sabatina did not answer.
Silvano remained for a while undecided. Then he crossed the threshold and shut the door with anger.
Sabatina stayed in the entrance in front of the slammed door. She felt defeated. Betrayed. Speechless.
She had the whole day to go on. She had to do it. She had her children to hold on to. They were her strength and hope. Living in a Christian way for them. Humanely for them. Maternally for them. Who else could give her hope now that her mother Laura was gone? She now felt as a worn little girl.

Yet she was sure that one day she would not love him anymore, but he would look for her.
But would it have been a victory?

Yet she had two children with her. Had not they been the tangible fruit of their love? The children were there. They were a living testimony of their love. How could it have ended?

That politics. Politics had changed Silvano. Since he had gone to work for the party, since he had gone to Florence and then to Rome, Silvano had become another. It was no longer the honest and brilliant Silvano she had known. It was no longer the Silvan who loved to joke. The Silvan who spoke, who loved to talk. Now he was a taciturn, silent. Cocciuto, like a mule.
It was all so difficult now. She had devoted the whole life to her husband and children. With Lidia she had hoped to find a friend and instead ...

She began to cry. She felt deluded. Deceived.
At night while Silvano slept, she woke him up:

- Silvano, I still love you. I am convinced to love you again. Why don’t you love my any more?

- Maybe, Sabatina ... maybe you're not the woman I need now. Now I would need a different woman. Not just a woman who cares for home and children ...

She had desperately hugged him. She had shouted "No, no, you still love me, tell me you still love me! Please"

He had freed himself, and got out of bed. He had gone to the bathroom. He had shaved, had taken a shower. Then he was dressed and was ready to live.
Sabatina had reached the door before he left home.
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